That Which Reminds Me Of Deployment

Michael has field for the next two-ish weeks.  This is our first field experience and we are not sure what to expect.  Those two things alone bring up some anxiety. 

When Michael left for deployment we were unsure of where he was going, what he would be doing, when we would be able to speak to him again, if he would be safe, and when he would be home.

Now I do know when Michael will be home, I know where abouts he will be and we know he will be safe.  So the anxiety isn't anywhere close to as bad as it was when he left for deployment. 

There are the little things that trigger those emotions that only deployment or a long separation can bring up.

The truck is out front, but he isn't home.
I have put away the last of his laundry until he gets back.
I can't text him and expect a reply.
He won't be home for breakfast, lunch or supper.
I will be sleeping and waking up without him.

The kids have already commented that he would be home for breakfast by now. 

Two weeks isn't that long.  None of us are worried about it and we aren't sitting on the couch in tears like we were when he deployed.  You *can* tell though that the stress from deployment is not far enough away for him to be gone again.  At least in our hearts.

There is also the added thoughts that this will be the longest we have ever been apart when I have been pregnant.  I do have comfort that I have great friends who will help me if something comes up, and that I would be able to reach him if there was a true emergency. 

We do have much joy to expect when he gets back.  It looks like he will actually be here for Bella's birthday for the first time in her life.  Well except for the day she was born.  He did catch her after all.  :)

This is just another learning experience for us.  He will be going to field a lot next year and will be gone longer and a lot further away.  We are already preparing for another deployment.  He will miss a lot of Sarah's first year.

But we will cross that emotionally charged bridge when we come to it.....

Those Who Serve Our Country, Have Very Little Freedom

I never really thought about what life was like for soldiers (all military really) when they were home.  I knew life would be unspeakably hard while deployed, but little did I know the freedoms they give up while at home too.

These men and women are fighting for our country.  I am not going to get into what I think about the policies or the war.  If you know me well you know how I feel about it all.  Put the war aside for a minute.  These people make the decision to serve this country.  They do what they are told because that is their job.  Some fight hard and lose much.  Michael, thank God, did not have to do that.  He will be forever changed by the things he saw and the ramp ceremonies he participated in.  A Ramp Ceremony is a solemn memorial for a soldier killed in a war zone. The ceremony can take place at an airfield near or in a war zone, where an airplane is usually waiting nearby to take the soldier's remains home.  

We have been not-so-patiently waiting for Michael's vacation plans to be approved.  The army has the right to deny Michael the ability to go home for vacation.  Think about that for a second.

I get why they have this in place.  I know there are people who shouldn't be traveling and those who have screwed up repeatedly shouldn't be given the same perks as those who do their job everyday.  Michael doesn't fall into either of these categories.

He works hard, does what he is told right the first time and is not a flight risk.  As much as I would like to go home and stay there, he will honor his contract until the second it is up.  He is just *that* guy.

There is no reason for him to be denied, but the waiting is getting to me specifically.  He is thrilled about the thought of going home.  Even if it is only for 10 days.  The fact that he is thrilled and making plans, makes me want to make plans and be thrilled right with him.  :)

We all miss home.  We all miss our families and friends.  We miss the fun, food and freedom that Texas represents to us.  We are all excited.

So when you think about the military think about everything that they go through during daily life.  They are technically not allowed to have stubble on their face or get tattoos.  They are limited to where they can go without written permission.  Everything in their lives can change with a moments notice.  Plans can be cancelled, birthdays can and will be missed, and vacation plans hang in the balance while the higher ranks make their decisions.

They are only free to do what the army allows. 

That Stinking Table

Last year, right after Michael was deployed, I bought a table that we had agreed on.  We have a table, but the screws to the chairs went missing years ago.  Michael worked hard to find screws to replace them, but those were misplaced in the move up here.

So we bought a new table.  I got the extremely heavy thing home, got it in the house and it was broken.  I then had to bother our neighbor, who I barely knew at the time, to help me get it back in the truck to take it back.  Then he was kind enough to help me get it back in the house.

It took me days to get all the chairs and the table together.  I had to ask a neighbor that I don't like being associated with to help me get the 350lb table upright.  It was a mess and such a pain.  When I got it up I was sort of happy with it but not thrilled.

The chairs seemed cheap even though we had paid good money for this table.  The table was ok, but I decided quickly that I didn't like that it was counter height.  The kids have all fallen off a chair while not paying attention.  The table then started chipping.  If I put a plate down on it there would be a mark.  

When all this started, I was going through a rough time with Michael being gone.  I made my way to Texas without thinking about the table again.  When Michael got home I asked him if he could try to put together our original table since I had found some of the screws.  We made the decision to try to sell the "new" table and go back to our old one.  

Lesson learned here?  New isn't always better.  The grass isn't always greener.  Things are made cheaply now.  

So we are cleaning it up, taking it apart, and asking the same sweet neighbor (who has become a wonderful family friend) to come help Michael get it into the garage.  Praying someone needs it and buys it from us.  

Here's to fixing things that are not working, instead of moving on.

Get Rid Of The Stuff

I have been working for over two years now to get rid of the junk in our house.  After we were rudely told that we had too much stuff, by someone I would actually like to thank now, we were offended.  At first.  Then we realized that they were right and we started getting rid of the stuff.

We had lived in our house for nearly three years and had three kiddos by then.  I saved everything "just in case" we might need it.  It took over our attic, garage and every closet we had in our house.   When we had to quickly move to Wylie and Michael was stuck doing all of the moving because I was two to three weeks postpartum, he told me we had to purge.  I was upset.  I didn't want to get rid of baby items that we could eventually use.  I liked all of our stuff.  I also watched the stress and pain on his face when he was moving everything.  I knew it needed to be done.

So we started going through everything.  We would take a box, go through it, and decided if we could sell it, throw it away or if it just had to stay.  It took us a few weeks, since Bell was so tiny, but when we finished we felt lighter.  It was a good thing.  My parents and sister had a garage sale for us and we were able to make some much needed money from the items we sold.  

Then Michael joined the army and we decided to move in with his parents.  As we were packing all of our stuff, we would go through things here and there.  Again trying to get rid of as much as we could.

Michael and I would go to storage and go through boxes, decide on furniture that needed to go and take boxes back to the house with us to go through.  We donated lots of items, got more for another garage sale and threw away things that just shouldn't have been kept in the first place.  I continued to do the same when Michael was in BCT (basic).

A lot of the decision to get rid of the stuff after he joined the army is the weight limit they have for moving household goods.  Typically soldiers in the lower ranks are either single, have a spouse or maybe have one kiddo.  Now, because of the economy, more married people with kids are joining and making it work with the allowed amount.  We are allowed 8,000lbs.  Seems like a lot right?  It can be depending on how much furniture you have.  Some people have full bedroom suites with dressers and such for each bedroom.  That weight adds up fast.  Tools, clothes and books are heavy.  

We worked hard to get under the allowed amount and we did it.  We came in with 4,700 lbs for five people.  Since then I have done two more rounds of purging.  We have added things to our house.  Tv, bed, Bella's bed, entertainment center and such.  We have tried to keep track of how much it has weighed too try to stay under.  If you go over you have to pay so much per pound.  Not something we want to have any part of.  :)

I participated in a good friend's group this year with the goal of getting rid of 2012 things in the year 2012.  I have gotten rid of 2401 so far.  Actually I need to add four things to that official count.  

We go through each room in our house once a month to make sure we haven't missed anything that just needs to go.  The only things that I don't use the "if you haven't used it or worn it in six months get rid of it" rule is with maternity clothes, regular clothes when I am pregnant, precious baby items that I can not part with and our one box of memory items.  

Michael and I share a tub for our memories.  We go through it along with everything else and we haven gotten rid of things when we feel we can.  He has items from vacations and a bank his grandfather made him.  I have items from my grandmothers and my hospital socks from the day I had Sunny.  I just recently gave Bella the Sunshine Care Bear that Michael had given me after Sunny.  I cried when I gave it to her, remembering when and why I got it, but seeing her playing with it is precious.

Letting go of stuff is good.  It makes you feel lighter.  More free.  So....is there anything you can give up?

Day 1 of Deployment Revisited

It has been a year since Michael left for his first deployment.  I wasn't sure how I would feel about this day.  I thought that I would be able to look back and smile.  Be able to be happy that we made it through the deployment.  To be thankful for all that we have made it through.  I am all those things, but I am also emotional.

Blame it on the pregnancy maybe, but I cry every time I think about the day he left.   How I felt that day is burned into my memory forever.  

I remember how the kids felt and acted.  I remember Michael being unable to fake a smile.  The way he didn't smell like himself because of the new uniform.  The quietness of Michael holding Bella as she slept on his shoulder.  I knew his arms were tired, but he wouldn't put her down.  The boys tried to play, but couldn't find their fun.  What it felt like to watch the bus drive out of sight.    How I shook uncontrollably.  The feeling of getting home and knowing he wouldn't be there for a long time.  Instinctively watching the clock around the time he would be getting home, and remembering he wouldn't be coming home.  Explaining to Bella every morning, for weeks, how daddy wouldn't be home for a while.  How wrong it all felt. 

I am not cut out for this life.  I won't ever be. I am ok with that.  We are finding that neither of us are cut out for this.  I envy people who are.  Those who can bounce back after their love is sent away.  Those who can find the good in the situation and find a way to go on.  

So June 7 will be forever etched in my memory as a day of sadness.  Just as March 17 will always be a day of immense happiness. 

Take a moment every once in a while and remember that military troops are constantly being deployed.  No matter what you hear on the news about the war being over or ending soon, they are still being sent over.  Right now the tours in the Army are nine months with no r&r.  So for nine months they will not see their loved ones in person.  The Army could change this at any given moment.  They have added to people's tours before and they could again.  Pray that they don't.  

If you would like to read the post I wrote about the day Michael left click here.  

Thank you all for helping me through this life so far.  I am eternally thankful.

The Merry-Go-Round of Friends

Very, very soon one of our favorite families on this street will be pulling out of their driveway to start the drive to their new duty station.  

This is the first time that we have had to watch a set of great friends leave.  I know it won't be our last.

Army life is funny.  They throw you into a duty station knowing practically no one.  You are usually away from family and all of your friends.  They expect you to survive without your soldier for months and months at a time.  So what do you do?  You find friends who know what you are going through and you hang onto them for dear life. 

Michael and I have a hard time finding real friends.  We are friendly with everyone and everyone loves Michael.  Sometimes I am harder to love.  :)  So when we find people that we are compatible with we are thrilled to pieces.  

We love hanging out with this family.  They are hilarious and fun and help out whenever they can.  They will be greatly missed.

So starts the craziness of losing friends, gaining new neighbors and wondering if the new neighbors will be crazy.  Fun times.  

There are other precious people who will be leaving eventually.  Until then I will enjoy every moment I can with them, nurture these relationships that I hold so dear and find a chain big enough to chain myself to their moving truck on moving day.  

What?  I can protest with the best of them believe me. 

"Heck no they can't go!!!  Heck no they can't go!!!"  ;)

Memorial Day and BBQs

I have been posting a lot of Memorial Day stuff on Facebook.  Trying to have everyone remember what this day is really for.

Know what?  I have kind of been leading a double life on this one.

As a wife of an active duty soldier, who has been deployed once already in his 1 1/2 years in, I have a bad habit of thinking of Memorial Day as a day for BBQs.

No I am not stupid.  Yes I really *do* know what today is about.  My grandfather served.  My father-in-law served.  My cousin, Michael's best friend, my person's husband and my husband are all currently serving.  Think about it though.  Really think about it.

Wikipedia - "Memorial Day is a federal holiday observed annually in the United States on the last Monday of May. Memorial Day is a day of remembering the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces."

I am thankful for all of the men and women who have died serving our country.  We owe them more than we will ever be able to repay them.

I think about the families most.  The people left behind when someone who is serving dies.   The wives and mothers and fathers and husbands and children and sisters and brothers and all of the extended family.  They will never be the same.  

Put yourself in my shoes.  My husband is active duty for at least another year and nine months.  He has already deployed once and there is always a chance he will deploy again in the time he has left.  Does he have a typically dangerous job?  No.  Does that mean that he is safe?  No.  No one is really safe while at war.  

So although I do remember, today I will be pretending that it is all about BBQs and friends.  I have said a prayer for all those who have been lost, their families and everyone still serving.  

I don't want to think about losing anyone I love today or any day really.  Especially my precious husband.

"A day of remembering the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces."

We have a big picture of a soldier with a flag behind him in our staircase.  The scripture on it reads:

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends"  John 15:13

Finding Balance

Finding balance is tough. I think we will be working on it forever, BUT I am making progress.

I have changed the way I am eating and it seems to be working right now. I still crave the bad things. My brain still wants to over eat and stuff my face with crap, but it is getting better. Balance.

Michael and I are talking more right now and that is awesome. I do have to limit myself to how long I sit at the computer with him or the house goes crazy. Balance.

The house is getting easier to deal with. The list of bigger projects is slimming down and it more just the day to day chores around here. Those still keep me busy most of the time, but I am finding more time to rest and spend time with my kiddos. Balance.

Things in our life are always changing and I find that hard. Decisions are being discussed as to whether we will stay in the Army or get out when his contract is over. Lots of variables that cause stress and worry. God is in control of those things and will help us make the choices as long as we listen to His still small voice. That is hard though. This is where my balance is very off.

I want to take charge of everything and be proactive. I know what I want for our lives. It is Godly and is best for our family. The question is if it is God's plan. Something I am learning, painfully, is that God doesn't promise us that we will be happy. He promises that He will take care of our needs, but not all of our wants. We are to be Godly people. Not necessarily happy. We have to CHOOSE to be happy where God is putting us. Finding balance between what our hearts desire and what God wants from us. Balance.

Balance is tough, but we will get there.

The Second Piece of Cake

You know when you are sitting there with a really great piece of cake and while you are eating it you are already thinking about the second piece you will be having momentarily?

No? Just me?!? Oh well . . that's why I am dieting. Follow me down the rabbit hole anyway.

So you get the second piece of cake. You start eating it and about three bites in you realize it doesn't taste nearly as good as you thought it would. Then the guilt about the calories start. Then the tummy ache. We have all said it . . . " I shouldn't have had a second piece!"

That is how I feel right now about the Army.

It sounded like a good plan that would take care of our family and give Michael the chance to do what he has always wanted to do (even though he isn't doing what he wanted to do). We prayed. Hard. We did our research. Michael had a really great recruiter. We talked and talked and talked. I supported any decision he made. I still do, but in the back of my head I heard the screaming that I wasn't going to like this life.

I pushed the screaming down. I could make it. It wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he wouldn't get deployed for a while. Maybe this would be easier than we all thought.

This whole experience has been harder than I ever thought it could be. I don't like to be apart from my husband. He is deployed. By the time he gets back we will have been together 3 months out of the past 18 months. I am in an ugly place on a daily basis.

I feel sick to my tummy regularly that we are in a situation, that we volunteered for, but that we can't get out of until his contract is up. This isn't a normal job that you can leave when you want. He still isn't sure he is getting out when his contract is up, and I have to be ok with that. I support him.

Before I get a lashing for this post - I know it isn't the Army per-se, but it has been my experiences with the Army. I know we chose this life. I know that not everyone feels this way. I hate feeling like I have to put a disclaimer on every post to make sure I don't offend anyone.

I just spend a lot of time with a bad taste in my mouth, guilt and a tummy ache.

See the second piece of cake reference? I'm not toally crazy.

Oh and did you think I ate cake?? Ummmm no! I am sticking to my diet. No cake for me.

Home and Being Happy

I find myself having moments of feeling like this is home.
Having moments of being actually happy.

Guilt comes first. This is where we live and I am trying my best to make it a home.

He's not here. It can't be home.

Well that's stupid Heather. It can be home. You are here. The kids are safe. Michael would want you to be happy as much as you can.

How can I be happy? He's not here.

I miss him.
We miss him.
He should be here.

The constant struggle is hard to make a home and be happy when the person that completes the family and the home is away.

I KNOW I should happy. It's still hard.

We will leave this place eventually. This is a fact if he stays in or doesn't re-up.

I love this house. This place. This weather. The people. Well most of the people anyway.

I love my husband more.

Day 22 of Deployment 1

I can't believe it has been three weeks since my love left. Wow.

The house is as finished as it is going to get. This fact rocks my world. Life is starting to look more "normal".

This has been labeled a fun week by the boys. I think we all need a little fun.

Today I finished cleaning the house up. After the beating I took from the table yesterday, this was a big deal.

Then we went to one of the splash parks on base. Very busy but a lot of fun. Came home and let the kids make a mess with craft stuff.

Crazy day for us. ;)

Day 1 of Deployment 1

He was taken away on a bus.

I know he walked on the bus. I know he signed up for this. I know it was his own free will to join the Army. But he was taken.

We didn't want him to go. He didn't want to go. In fact, everything in us was screaming in an ugly way for him not to go. He was taken.

When he got on the bus I started to shake. I couldn't stop. Everything in my being knew that this was ever so wrong. I couldn't breathe. The kids cried. I wanted to scream and make them take him off the bus.

I didn't though. I am proud of that.

We stood there, waving and making the "I love you" sign. I couldn't leave until I couldn't see the bus anymore. I think it was because I wanted them to turn around. I stood at the road and watched the bus holding the love of my life drive away. Painful doesn't cover the emotions I had. Helpless is a better word.

Then we dried up our tears and went home. Life had to go on.

The rest of the day was just me trying to survive. I fed the kids. I didn't want to eat. I got the trash ready for the next day and everything ready for bulk pick up. I missed him in everything I did.

I would be ok and then break down. He is in everything we do. Still.

He will be ok. He will come home. Alive and whole. I HAVE to believe this.

Or I would go completely crazy.

I am Not Good at Making Friends

You might not agree with that statement, but it's true.

Yes, I do have an amazing village of mamas whom I love more than I could ever put into words. BUT it took me years and years to get them.

Now I will be leaving them all. *tears*

I am happy to be moving with my husband and so excited to be in a new place, but I am very sad to leave behind the women that have, at times literally, kept me going.

I want to tell you all how I feel about you, but that will have to come another time.

Just know that no matter how far away I might be, I am always loving on you. Call me. Text me. Facebook me. KEEP IN TOUCH!!!

I love you all!!!

Moving Forward

I am very happy my husband is home. Believe me I am. I am also, however, very stressed with everything going on with the move.

Some is Army stuff. A lot is Army stuff. But I will not go down that road right now, because that isn't why I sat down to write.

I sat down to write about the stress and how it, well, stresses our marriage.

My husband and I have a wonderful marriage. I am proud of the way we are, most of the time. We aren't perfect, but we ARE perfect for each other.

I love that one of my closest friends said something like "I don't know two people who were more made for each other than the two of you".

Wow. She's been married a good while ya'll. She's been through it and seen it and SHE thinks we were made for each other.

Warms my heart right up.

We are not always nice to each other. I am not good at handling stress and he struggles with handling me when I am stressed. ;)

These things didn't just pop up over night though. He knew I was this way and I knew he was the way he is. We fell in love with each other like this and although we may change slightly we still love each other very much.

We fight. We are not always nice. We are human. BUT we really love each other.

He is my perfect man. I strive to be his perfect woman. There is, always has been and always will be love. No matter the stress.

So I will take each day, hour, minute and second as it comes and pray with each breath that we will keep the love and try to be more kind.

I will NOT however pray for patience.

I don't have a deathwish ya know. ;)

Fort Drum . . . Here We Come

Hey, I'm a poet and didn't know it. hahaha *snort*

A'hem . . back to being a tad bit more serious. :)

Most everyone knows that we got our orders from the Army and we will be stationed at Fort Drum, New York. We are excited even though the general information from people is that because of the snow we will hate it. We are staying positive.

Michael and I thought that a place totally different from Texas would be fun. I guess we will see.

The main concern right now is finding housing and keeping us all warm when we get there. Which will be in about 3 weeks. Wow . . . that is crazy to say.

I have lived outside of Texas before, for a short while, but Michael hasn't until he went to BCT. This will be very new to him and the kiddos.

With everything new there are moments of fear and anxiety, but I believe it will all work out to be the best thing ever. I am thrilled at the thought of having four seasons . . . even if winter dominates most of the year. ;)

There are other fears as well. This duty station seems to deploy a lot. That is a whole other ball of wax in my anxiety department. God will watch over us. I know this. So I will try to have peace.

Here are some links to info on Fort Drum. Enjoy!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Drum,_New_York
http://www.drum.army.mil/Pages/index.aspx

http://maps.yahoo.com/#mvt=m&lat=38.586385&lon=-85.930535&zoom=6&q1=Greenville%2C%20tx%2075402&q2=Fort%20Drum%2C%20NY%2C%2013603 Hoping this one works. :)

Blessings,

Heather

Army Friends

I am a new Army wife. We are a new Army family. Really new.

I say that because all I know, right now, of my Army life to come is what I hear about. We are in limbo, and so are all the other wonderful loved ones that I have met since Michael started Basic. Good thing.

What is it good you ask? It is good because I am not alone.

That is something I am seeing more and more in this life. The other Army wives/girlfriends know how I feel.

Now they may not know exactly, because our situations might differ some, but they know what it is like to be in limbo.

Hurry up and wait is something we joke about a lot in Army life, but it is the truth. We are waiting.

Waiting to find out where we will be stationed, when our soldiers will be deployed, and it seems we are always waiting to see them.

What has made this bearable for me is the people I have met. Thank God for Facebook right now. This social network has been my life saver over the past few months. I have met and become very close to some of these amazing women who are going through the same thing I am going through.

The thing I love about the women I have met so far is that they are their to pick me up when needed and I can do the same (although I usually need to be picked up more than them lol). I see amazing love coming from these other families that inspires me to love my husband more. I am becoming a better person by knowing these women.

So, thank you all for your friendship so far. I hope to know you all for a long, long time.

Time Wasted

Let me start off by saying I won't take anything away from what people who have been together for less time have, and I am respectful of the people who have been together for longer. Michael and I have made a life together. Love is love no matter the time.

Michael and I have been together for seven years. Seven wonderful, hard, trying, loving years. We have made life and seen death. We have gone through the ugliest you can imagine and been in the most wonderful of moments together. Together is the key word here.

We were always together, but not always in the same place. We would just be going through the motions of life and not thinking of the other's feelings or needs. One of the hardest lessons that Michael and I are learning right now is that we wasted time with each other. We always assumed that the other would be right beside us if we needed them. We would always have the other there to say I love you, kiss, hold, say sorry to and appreciate. That isn't the case now.

I think a lot of our anxiety and stress is from all of this wasted time.

Michael and I have the stuff of legend. We have not always treated our relationship and each other as that is the case, but we are a rare thing. We are meant for each other. We compliment each other and hold the other up when needed. We are the real deal.

In the past few weeks this wasted time has been on both of our minds. The stuff that we should have done, the time that should have been taken, the emotions that should have been shared . . . it is a heavy burden for both of us. The weight of the limited time we have together and the unknown that is our life right now magnifies the fact that we wasted time.

I know most people will say, well just forget about that now and start over. Well I am all for the whole "do better when you know better" thing, but I don't want to forget this. Forgetting the wasted time might lead us back down that path.

So I don't want to forget that I should have

rubbed his back and feet more.
left him alone when he was having a hard day.
left him alone when he wanted to play video games.
kissed him more.
hugged him more.
shut my mouth more often.
appreciated him for who he is.
followed his lead.
loved him more.

I could go on and on, but you get the point. I should've done a lot. So this Army lesson has hit home, and I pray we have time together to actually be together.

Have you loved on your loved one today???

Anxious To See Them?!?

Why yes, we are. This seems to be a common theme between all my Army wives/girlfriends. We love our husbands/boyfriends. We totally support them. We count the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until we get to see them again. BUT, and this is a huge but, we are scared to death to see them.

I thought that it was just me or just because it was graduation from Basic last time. I mean that was a total change. We went weeks without talking to each other. I didn't know how he would react to me or the kids. There were a ton of unknowns. Everything was wonderful, but the anxiety and stress beforehand was something of legend. After it was all over and done, I was glad I would never have to go through that again. I am hilarious right?!?!

Here we are, days away from seeing our soldiers (I hate calling my husband that but it is easier here) and the anxiety and stress is looming. I hear it from everywhere, which I am thankful for. I thought it was just me. So glad I am not the only crazy one. :)

What are we anxious about you ask? EVERYTHING!! I specifically am nervous about my weight, my body, my hair (which I have colored a different color since graduation), how the kids will react to him, if our room will be ok for him, how we will fit in the queen bed that Bella has taken over since he left, how his dog will react to him, how Christmas will be, will we have things to talk about, will the stress of him having to leave again take over the last few days and everything in between all that. Crazy? Maybe. This is what goes through my head everyday.

The funny thing is that I am not the only crazy one . . . I mean alone in this. I hear it from people all the time. So although we are thrilled to pieces to have our precious soldiers back at home, there is still worry.

Our life is still in limbo. We don't know where we will be living, when we will be moving, when he will be deployed and all that goes with that. I am trying my best not to let the impending doom (as Michael loves to call it) take over and steal my joy. We will see how I do.

So as I sit here right now, knowing that I am not the only person counting down for exodus, I stress over everything. I know that the second I see his face, everything will be wonderful. All of my worries will melt away and I will be whole again. The kids will have their daddy back. Michael's family will get to see him for the first time in three months. The dog will have her boyfriend back (lol). All will be back to some sort of normal.

For two weeks at least . . . .