And They Said I Couldn't Do It

In honor of our second son's forth birthday here is Gabriel's birth story. (edited from my note on Facebook)

I went into the hospital on December 13th to be induced. I know . . . I know but back then I didn't know any better. I thought I was going to have to have another c-section because he was breech.

I thought I had felt him turn that morning but I was not sure. Thank God that when I had the "let's make sure he is breech so we can section you again" sono he was head down. woohoo!!

The nurse put the monitors on me and told me I was contracting every 2 to 3 minutes. I didn't feel any of them. My CNM checked me and I was at a 4. So no foley bulb for me.

VBACing was something new to the drs and nurses at the hospital I was at. So I was already running uphill without taking into account my mental and emotional state. It was a painful process, but totally worth it. Michael was with me the entire time.

29 hours after I was told I was contracting . . . after 16 hour of Pitocin and no epidural . . . I pushed my precious second son out. I got to push him out!! No section for me. Again woohoo!!!

He was 7lbs 11oz and 20 3/4 inches long. Perfect! Healthy! Michael and I were in heaven!

Having him started me on my path to having our daughter as we did and me becoming a doula.

Happy birthday sweet Gabriel Stephen. You are a precious joy in our lives.

Having Sunny made me a mommy . . . having Johnathon made me a mommy with a baby to hold . . . and having Gabriel gave me my strength back . . . which led to my amazing husband delivering our daughter.

Anxious To See Them?!?

Why yes, we are. This seems to be a common theme between all my Army wives/girlfriends. We love our husbands/boyfriends. We totally support them. We count the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until we get to see them again. BUT, and this is a huge but, we are scared to death to see them.

I thought that it was just me or just because it was graduation from Basic last time. I mean that was a total change. We went weeks without talking to each other. I didn't know how he would react to me or the kids. There were a ton of unknowns. Everything was wonderful, but the anxiety and stress beforehand was something of legend. After it was all over and done, I was glad I would never have to go through that again. I am hilarious right?!?!

Here we are, days away from seeing our soldiers (I hate calling my husband that but it is easier here) and the anxiety and stress is looming. I hear it from everywhere, which I am thankful for. I thought it was just me. So glad I am not the only crazy one. :)

What are we anxious about you ask? EVERYTHING!! I specifically am nervous about my weight, my body, my hair (which I have colored a different color since graduation), how the kids will react to him, if our room will be ok for him, how we will fit in the queen bed that Bella has taken over since he left, how his dog will react to him, how Christmas will be, will we have things to talk about, will the stress of him having to leave again take over the last few days and everything in between all that. Crazy? Maybe. This is what goes through my head everyday.

The funny thing is that I am not the only crazy one . . . I mean alone in this. I hear it from people all the time. So although we are thrilled to pieces to have our precious soldiers back at home, there is still worry.

Our life is still in limbo. We don't know where we will be living, when we will be moving, when he will be deployed and all that goes with that. I am trying my best not to let the impending doom (as Michael loves to call it) take over and steal my joy. We will see how I do.

So as I sit here right now, knowing that I am not the only person counting down for exodus, I stress over everything. I know that the second I see his face, everything will be wonderful. All of my worries will melt away and I will be whole again. The kids will have their daddy back. Michael's family will get to see him for the first time in three months. The dog will have her boyfriend back (lol). All will be back to some sort of normal.

For two weeks at least . . . .

The Weight Of Me

Those of you who know me . . . I mean really know me . . . know that I truly have a struggle with food. This isn't some run of the mill, hormonal time of the month thing. I have issues people.

I thought that I had it figured out in 2003-2004 when I lost a bunch of weight and was eating well and working out 5 times a week. I can use all the excuses in the world to explain what happened if you want me to. I got married, had three kids, I stay at home, I live with family, my husband is gone, blah blah blah.

I don't even want to hear all that anymore. I can tell you when it all fell apart. When our first baby became an angel. When we found out about Sunny, everything fell apart. I didn't want to live at all. Michael, being the wonderful man he is, did anything he could to make me happy.

What made me happy? Eating. I went right back to my old ways of overeating. He kept me happy letting me eat anything I wanted. It isn't his fault at all. He was doing all he could at the time. Remember, as I forgot at the time, he was grieving right along with me, but he had to take care of my sorry butt.

Anyway, so over the last six years I have put on and taken off weight. Ugh! I hate it. I have lost some weight over the past few months, but I feel is creeping back on because of the craziness of the holiday season.

I have given up on worrying about it until after Michael leaves, because I just can't people!! January 3 will be the first day of my new way of living. I have to. I am too overweight. I don't like my body. I don't like the way I feel. I don't like it at all.

I have lots to overcome. Living with my wonderful in-laws (no sarcasm there at all I really love them) makes it hard to eat right. We will be moving at some point, and there is a lot of stress in my life at all times. I also struggle with how to eat. I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) which causes carbs to be really bad for me, and the suggested way of eating is an Atkins type approach. BUT I would like to eat veggies and rice and fruit instead. I love the clean diet approach. Thoughts?

So I am going to change it. One of my friend's put a quote on Facebook (not sure of the author) that I just loved.

"If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree."

LOVE that!!! I am totally going to change it. This will be my year . . .

If these walls could talk

So bear with me on this one people . . .there is wisdom here somewhere. :)

You see these pictures of this crazy room? You may see too many beds, too much stuff and waaay too much Transformers for a bedroom. Right?!?

I see years of love. You see, 7 years ago, on this date, I went to the house that we live in now for the first time. Michael lived with his parents when we met. The room that we all live in, without him, now is the room he had when we met. This room and this house holds very special memories to both of us.

That first night, trying to get out to this house, was crazy. I went home and made sure that I was all pretty, which made me later than I wanted to be. The directions out here consists of all numbers. I was new to that and doing it in the dark scared me. I made it to the drive way just as the sun went down.

This is the room that we first stayed up and watched tons and tons of movies. I mean we stayed up laaaate! Like 3 am late.

We talked for hours and hours. Crazy hours!

I had brunch with his parents, here, a few days after the first trip out here. I put a lot of miles on my car back then.

We played connect four Christmas night our first Christmas together. That led to us looking at Christmas lights. Oh the love of Christmas lights we share.

This is the room we lived in after we had our angel, Sunny, and I lost my mind. No really. His parents have let us live in this room time after time when life has thrown us curve balls. We alway pick ourselves up and move on, but we have often called this our true home.

He proposed to me in this room . . . . months after we were married. It was a detail he had let slip his mind. ;)

We found out we were pregnant with two of our children living in this house. The smells in this house can cause me great sickness . . . no offence to my in-laws here. It is just the normal smell/pregnancy thing that hits a lot of women. I still struggle with the normal smell of my mother-in-law's pantry. Ugh. . . makes me sick every time I get in there.

I used to sit and watch tv while he was working the weekends during the cold winter months that we lived here before we had babies. Foodnetwork was my favorite. I would plan what all I would make for him after we moved into our own place.

We watched finding Nemo for the first time here while his mother made him Tuna and Noodles. She loves to make him happy. That was also the day we went to find an apartment together.

We did a lot of crying for Sunny and the fear over losing Johnathon and Gabriel here.

This where we had our wedding. In the front yard. Again, thank God the neighbors moved the cows. I wouldn't change anything about that day, other than I wish I hadn't been so ill.

I could go on and on about the love that has been built in this room.

All of those memories are why it is so hard to live here without Michael. I sit in this room nursing Bella or getting my kids ready for bed, and all I can think of is that Michael isn't here. Everything in this house is a reminder of my sweet husband. I know he is just in Virginia, but that is too far away.

I can't wait for Christmas!

It is "Basic"ally over

So here I am again. I am terrible at this blog stuff. Just too busy. :)

Michael graduated from BCT (Basic Combat Training) a couple of weeks ago. Woohoo!! We are all so very proud of him. He is now in Virginia for AIT (Advanced Induvidual Training).

We had a blast at the long awaited graduation. I was able to meet some very good friends that I had only been able to talk to. It was so nice to be able to meet them in person. Thank you all for being there for me!!!

Being without him at home again is a bit much. We did a lot of traveling before and after graduation. That post will have to wait. :)

Until then I will be Army strong . . . .try to be Army strong . . . Army kinda-strong? Oh heck . . . I will just try to BE!!!

And that was it . . .

So that Friday night we all went out to the club. We had a blast. Stayed out really, really late.

Michael totally stole my heart. He would dance with me. THAT was huge!!! He made me laugh, and he was just wonderful.

That night was it for me, really. He had me. I wasn't going anywhere without him.

I played it cool though for a long time after this. I would call him "the boy" until he stopped me one day and asked why I didn't call him my boyfriend. I told him it was because I didn't want to scare him off. :)

He laughed at me and said I had been his girlfriend for a long time. This made me very happy. He still makes me happy.

PomPoms here we come

The Wednesday after Halloween, John and Michael were planning on going to a restraunt/bar place that used to be in Dallas called PomPoms. They invited Jessica and I. We went. I didn't really have fun, because some girl kept flirting with Michael. Funny to think about now, but it irritated me.

Afterwards we ended up at Jessica's house. We were talking, but it was really, really late. His phone rang. I was really nervous that it was another girl. It was.

His mom was calling to check on him. LOL. Bless her heart. Michael still lived with her and she was worried about him. Funny to think about now, but it made his face turn red. :)

Before he left I asked him if he wanted to come out to the club we had met at again that Friday. He said yes!!!