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Sunday, June 19, 2011

My Deployment Requests

I want to start off by saying that I do not want this post to come off as rude or offensive or anything else negative. These are just my thoughts regarding this deployment so far.

Deployment sucks for Michael and I. It may not suck for everyone, but for us this is really high on the "how the heck are we going to survive this" list. We work best when we're together. We both really enjoy each others company and are best friends. So, for us, being told that you will be apart from your other half for a year is like being told not to breathe.

People seem to say things without thinking because they don't know how to respond. I understand. I wouldn't have known how to respond before either. So the following is my ramble about what I would like/dislike during this time. :)

Don't tell me "You can do this". I KNOW I can do it, I just don't want to. Now there are a very few people who can say this to me, and they know who they are. Other than them, it is just irritating to hear it over and over and over. I know people are trying to encourage me, but it registers in my brain as "well duh!!".

See why I warned you at the start of all this??

I don't need any of your cute sayings about being a grown up. "Pull up your big girl panties" and anything alike I am not fond of right now. Again there is one person who can say these types of things to me, but it is because we have nearly 19 years of history. She can say just about anything she wants and I am ok with it.

Please don't say anything like "Well you KNEW he would be deployed!!!" or "This comes with the job and you knew that right?!?" Yes we knew. We weren't stupid. We knew he would be deployed. We both hoped it would be later this year though. We also underestimated how much we really love being with each other. Sounds stupid, but we really thought it would be easier. It isn't easy. At all.

Don't assume because I miss him and really need him here, that it is because I need him to do stuff around here. I can handle my own around the house. I have found there have been a few things that he normally did, like put up the fire tent for the boys, that I am having to learn. BUT I don't need my husband to take care of the kids or stuff around the house. He does because he loves me, but that isn't why I miss him.

Don't remind me "it's only a year" or "it'll go by fast" or "put your kids in childcare so you can have some alone time" (I can't do that because of shot record requirements).

Don't forget that this is very hard on all of us for different reasons. It is hard on us here at home because we don't have Michael. We miss him. It is equally hard on Michael. Some forget that not all soldiers are made for this. Michael holds all the wonderful traits of being a soldier. He lacks the ability to turn off his want to be with us and be home. He is a very hands on Daddy and this is killing him. So on top of the heat, the uncomfortable conditions and fear he also has to deal with the pain of not seeing us.

If you just thought to yourself "well he KNEW this would happen" or " that is just part of the job", please stop reading my blog and take yourself off my friends list.

I could go on and on about how irritated I have gotten at people's responses to me and other friends, but I won't.

I will say please call me if we normally talk. Ask how I am doing. Let me vent.

I am allowed to be angry at times. I am allowed to be sad. I am allowed to grieve the momentary loss of my husband. This has felt at times a lot like when we had Sunny. I am losing someone very important to me, with no guarantee he will be coming home the same or at all. This feeling of having no control is hard for me. Hard for anyone. Let me have my moments.

If I offended anyone, that wasn't my point. My point was to speak my mind. I feel better now.

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