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Monday, December 13, 2010

The Weight Of Me

Those of you who know me . . . I mean really know me . . . know that I truly have a struggle with food. This isn't some run of the mill, hormonal time of the month thing. I have issues people.

I thought that I had it figured out in 2003-2004 when I lost a bunch of weight and was eating well and working out 5 times a week. I can use all the excuses in the world to explain what happened if you want me to. I got married, had three kids, I stay at home, I live with family, my husband is gone, blah blah blah.

I don't even want to hear all that anymore. I can tell you when it all fell apart. When our first baby became an angel. When we found out about Sunny, everything fell apart. I didn't want to live at all. Michael, being the wonderful man he is, did anything he could to make me happy.

What made me happy? Eating. I went right back to my old ways of overeating. He kept me happy letting me eat anything I wanted. It isn't his fault at all. He was doing all he could at the time. Remember, as I forgot at the time, he was grieving right along with me, but he had to take care of my sorry butt.

Anyway, so over the last six years I have put on and taken off weight. Ugh! I hate it. I have lost some weight over the past few months, but I feel is creeping back on because of the craziness of the holiday season.

I have given up on worrying about it until after Michael leaves, because I just can't people!! January 3 will be the first day of my new way of living. I have to. I am too overweight. I don't like my body. I don't like the way I feel. I don't like it at all.

I have lots to overcome. Living with my wonderful in-laws (no sarcasm there at all I really love them) makes it hard to eat right. We will be moving at some point, and there is a lot of stress in my life at all times. I also struggle with how to eat. I have PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) which causes carbs to be really bad for me, and the suggested way of eating is an Atkins type approach. BUT I would like to eat veggies and rice and fruit instead. I love the clean diet approach. Thoughts?

So I am going to change it. One of my friend's put a quote on Facebook (not sure of the author) that I just loved.

"If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree."

LOVE that!!! I am totally going to change it. This will be my year . . .

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