He was taken away on a bus.
I know he walked on the bus. I know he signed up for this. I know it was his own free will to join the Army. But he was taken.
We didn't want him to go. He didn't want to go. In fact, everything in us was screaming in an ugly way for him not to go. He was taken.
When he got on the bus I started to shake. I couldn't stop. Everything in my being knew that this was ever so wrong. I couldn't breathe. The kids cried. I wanted to scream and make them take him off the bus.
I didn't though. I am proud of that.
We stood there, waving and making the "I love you" sign. I couldn't leave until I couldn't see the bus anymore. I think it was because I wanted them to turn around. I stood at the road and watched the bus holding the love of my life drive away. Painful doesn't cover the emotions I had. Helpless is a better word.
Then we dried up our tears and went home. Life had to go on.
The rest of the day was just me trying to survive. I fed the kids. I didn't want to eat. I got the trash ready for the next day and everything ready for bulk pick up. I missed him in everything I did.
I would be ok and then break down. He is in everything we do. Still.
He will be ok. He will come home. Alive and whole. I HAVE to believe this.
Or I would go completely crazy.
I know he walked on the bus. I know he signed up for this. I know it was his own free will to join the Army. But he was taken.
We didn't want him to go. He didn't want to go. In fact, everything in us was screaming in an ugly way for him not to go. He was taken.
When he got on the bus I started to shake. I couldn't stop. Everything in my being knew that this was ever so wrong. I couldn't breathe. The kids cried. I wanted to scream and make them take him off the bus.
I didn't though. I am proud of that.
We stood there, waving and making the "I love you" sign. I couldn't leave until I couldn't see the bus anymore. I think it was because I wanted them to turn around. I stood at the road and watched the bus holding the love of my life drive away. Painful doesn't cover the emotions I had. Helpless is a better word.
Then we dried up our tears and went home. Life had to go on.
The rest of the day was just me trying to survive. I fed the kids. I didn't want to eat. I got the trash ready for the next day and everything ready for bulk pick up. I missed him in everything I did.
I would be ok and then break down. He is in everything we do. Still.
He will be ok. He will come home. Alive and whole. I HAVE to believe this.
Or I would go completely crazy.
He will be ok. You do have to believe this. Isaiah 54:17 says, 'No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue [that] shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This [is] the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness [is] of me, saith the LORD.' I prayed this over my husband all the time while he is deployed. I insert his name over the "thee's". I know that God has held him while he was in Kuwait, Iraq and Afghanistan.
ReplyDeleteDeployment is hard; it is not natural. Nothing in you wants to go on. But, we have to.
Prayer, love and support are the only things that got me through. :D
Rely on those around you, pray hard, and ask for help when you need it!
Theresa