You know when you are sitting there with a really great piece of cake and while you are eating it you are already thinking about the second piece you will be having momentarily?
No? Just me?!? Oh well . . that's why I am dieting. Follow me down the rabbit hole anyway.
So you get the second piece of cake. You start eating it and about three bites in you realize it doesn't taste nearly as good as you thought it would. Then the guilt about the calories start. Then the tummy ache. We have all said it . . . " I shouldn't have had a second piece!"
That is how I feel right now about the Army.
It sounded like a good plan that would take care of our family and give Michael the chance to do what he has always wanted to do (even though he isn't doing what he wanted to do). We prayed. Hard. We did our research. Michael had a really great recruiter. We talked and talked and talked. I supported any decision he made. I still do, but in the back of my head I heard the screaming that I wasn't going to like this life.
I pushed the screaming down. I could make it. It wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he wouldn't get deployed for a while. Maybe this would be easier than we all thought.
This whole experience has been harder than I ever thought it could be. I don't like to be apart from my husband. He is deployed. By the time he gets back we will have been together 3 months out of the past 18 months. I am in an ugly place on a daily basis.
I feel sick to my tummy regularly that we are in a situation, that we volunteered for, but that we can't get out of until his contract is up. This isn't a normal job that you can leave when you want. He still isn't sure he is getting out when his contract is up, and I have to be ok with that. I support him.
Before I get a lashing for this post - I know it isn't the Army per-se, but it has been my experiences with the Army. I know we chose this life. I know that not everyone feels this way. I hate feeling like I have to put a disclaimer on every post to make sure I don't offend anyone.
I just spend a lot of time with a bad taste in my mouth, guilt and a tummy ache.
See the second piece of cake reference? I'm not toally crazy.
Oh and did you think I ate cake?? Ummmm no! I am sticking to my diet. No cake for me.