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Wednesday, July 4, 2012

The Silent Cry

Sonograms for me are not fun.  Since we found out about Sunny by sono, I have a bad habit of getting myself all worked up before I have one.

Sounds nothing like me right?  ;)

The fact is that I love having them, but I fear something will be wrong.  Especially if they are before I can feel the baby moving daily.

I noticed, starting even with Sunny before we knew she was gone, that I have a tendency to silently cry while watching the screen.  What a miracle it is. Out of the love my husband and I have for each other my body has grown a baby.  Isn't that amazing?

In the early sonos they look like shrimp or an alien.  I still cry.  As soon as I see a heartbeat, and especially if they are moving around, tears start streaming down my face. 

They are tears of joy, relief, and a bit of grief over Sunny.  Even though it has been almost eight years since we were told about our precious first child, I still grieve.  Michael does to in his own way.  Sunny was a child to us.  Not an embryo or what ever she was at that point in medical books.

I remember very clearly having a sono with Bella and watching her move and hearing that all was well with her.  Also hearing she was a girl.  I have a special connection with the woman who did her sonos.  She also did Sunny's sonos.  She remembered.  By that time she had done two other sonos on me for Bella.  Both times being happy right along with me that the baby was still ok even though I was bleeding heavily.

So we went for our sono Monday.  This was the only time we could get in before Michael goes back to New York.  We were worried that because I am only 17 1/2 weeks along that we wouldn't be able to check out all of the anatomy correctly and that we wouldn't be able to see if it is a boy or a girl. 

I did not care for the sonographer.  It isn't her fault that she doesn't know that certain phrases or being negative at all will cause me great worry.  She did though.  Something about her saying the exact thing they said before they told us about Sunny turned my stomach.  Blech.

Anyway....the baby is great.  Not measuring small at all like she felt she had to tell us before she measured.  My placenta is over my cervix right now, so if everyone would please, please pray and send good thoughts that it would move away as my uterus grows I would be happy.  I would like to avoid another c-section with everything I have if at all possible. 

She wasn't for sure but her guess right now is that we are having another GIRL!!!!  I am going back in a month to have another look and check everything out again.  We are thrilled to pieces and will not skip a beat if she becomes a he the next time we look.  :)  Healthy baby makes all else wonderful.

Her name, if she stays a girl, will be Sarah Margaret.  Michael's grandmother's name was Margaret and we love the name Sarah.  Everyone keep praying for use please.  :)

We are on vacation right now, so my posts will be far apart.  I will write when I can.  Love to everyone. 

1 comment:

  1. amazing news. Healthy baby is the bets news a little girl or boy is a blessing but I just love that it probably is a little girl. Thats when they thought Isabella was at 17weekS. I know you are still nervous but you are doing so well mama!!! healthy mommy and baby sending hugs to you all and enjoy leave :)