Search This Blog

Saturday, October 16, 2010

They break them down, so they can build them back up

If I had a penny for every time I heard that phrase, I would be rich by now. I know that is what they do to the soldiers, but I was oblivious to the fact that they do it to the loved ones also.

Until now.

I know, I know. I am going to hear stuff from lots of people over this post and I am ok with that. I totally understand why they do it to our soldiers. They have to change them. They have to make them different people so that they can act as a team and learn to work under pressure. It doesn't mean that I, or Michael, like this fact. BUT we knew all of that before starting this journey.

What I didn't know if how they would break me. The total lack of information given by the Army during boot camp, coupled with the fact that our soldiers don't get to contact us very often if at all, makes for a miserable boot camp experience. I will admit it, I am broken. They might have set a new record with how fast they broke this Army wife. I have been lost trying to learn what I can do, what I can't, what I can send to him, and what I can't. Learning how to treat him while he is in uniform and how I should act at graduation. How I should act really isn't any different than how I would usually act, but still I have to make sure.

The Co. that Michael is in has a Facebook page. An angel runs this page. She has been amazing at letting us know how things work and what to expect. If it wasn't for her, I swear I would lose my mind. Really, really go crazy. She is amazing. I will hug her at graduation if she allows me to, and I am sure I am not the only one with this request. :)

They break them down, so they can build them back up. That I understand. I can even, sort of, understand them breaking the loved ones down. BUT when, if I may ask, do they build us back up???

We get to see our soldier for a day at graduation. Is that when? I get to drive Michael to his AIT. Is that when?

There is a constant fear that after we are posted somewhere that he will be deployed. I know that isn't when I will be built back up.

I love the Army for helping Michael with a dream he has had for a very long time. Longer than we have been together. I am proud of Michael, and every other soldier out there, in training or not. I am thankful for the Drill Sergeants that are doing their best to train my husband and lots of other soldiers for the worst while hoping for the best. I am thankful for all of this. I really am, and I can't say with all certainty that I would change where we are right now.

I just want to know when I get built back up?

1 comment:

  1. It's rough, It's tough, it's hard to know what to say. But hold on to those around you, those that have been there and can help ease you into it. I know how you feel and understand where you're coming from. I think it's just part of everything. At some point you and I will realize how good the Army is for not only our husbands but for us as well. I know it will hopefully help me to not be so controlling. ;) Good luck, be strong. ~ Malie