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Thursday, May 24, 2012

Yes. We Are Having Another Baby. No. We Are Not Trying To Be The Next Duggars

Not that I would be upset with someone comparing me to them, but that is another post all together. 

This post also has nothing to do with the fact that a friend of mine just made a comment about us being the next Duggars. :) 

It has to do with people's attitudes about babies.  Their bad attitudes specifically.  

Someone came into our home to fix something yesterday.  He has been here before and he is probably the nicest person I have met that is from here and has to deal with all of us crazy army families.  I had to explain that I couldn't move something because I was pregnant.  It was really heavy ya'll.  

Anyway, he went about his business and did what he needed to do.  Then, while he was waiting for someone to bring him a part he needed, he proceeded to tell me he had a four year old daughter and a seven week old daughter.  I told him congratulations and how I thought that was wonderful.  He said "Well my wife really wants to have another one eventually, but I told her no.  No way am I having any more.  They are a lot of work and they just cost so dang much."

I understand all too well how he feels.  Children are not always easy.  Heck I am guilty of saying things like "Bella is sure being a beating today" or "Goodness they are a lot of work".  Have I ever wished them gone?  Not for a minute.  

Not saying I wouldn't go to supper with my husband and leave them with someone I knew loved them.  :)  I just wouldn't miss out of their little lives for the world.

Later on he was getting ready to go and he asked me if this was going to be our fourth.  I said yes.  He said "Wow.  You are either really brave or really stupid."

Now I would normally have taken this to heart and been upset by someone saying something like this to me.  He has had to fix enough stuff in our house that I know he was just saying it in fun, but with a lot of truth behind it.

Well I don't believe that we are stupid.  I don't consider us brave either.  

Before I start what I am about to say, I need to explain how we do not judge those who think differently than us.  We don't push our beliefs on anyone.  We don't think differently of you whether you have one kiddo or ten.  No judging here.

When I was 23 I was told I would never, ever have kids.  All my life I wanted to be a mother.  I couldn't wait.  I also wanted to be a midwife and a photographer, but that is another story. :)

After being told that I met my husband.  He is precious and I knew that he was the only person I ever wanted to be with for the rest of my life from the very start.  So pretty early on I told him about what the drs had said.  I didn't want him to decide later that he couldn't be with me because I couldn't have babies.  His response?  "We will just adopt."  

See why I love that man so much?

Fast forward. . . we could get pregnant.  Sunny wasn't planned.  Johnathon was.  Then we decided to use birth control.  We were not sure if we would ever be able to have another baby.  After the let down and trauma of Johnathon's birth, I wasn't sure I wanted to do that again.  Ever.  

April 2006.  Johnathon was close to being 9 months.  We went to Walmart as a family and I got sickly.  Michael had already told me I needed to get a pregnancy test since he had seen my gums bleed earlier in the day.  That is one of my early signs of being pregnant.  

We bought a test.  I took it when we got home.  Big old positive.  Michael was standing up hold Johnathon and he looked like he might pass out.  

We had used protection.  God wanted something else.  

That pregnancy was terrible for me.  I bled so much that I gave up on him ever staying alive and I was so sick that I couldn't do anything.  I was like that until close to 17 weeks.  

God took care of us though.  We were living with Michael's parents (yes it is a running theme) and his mom (and dad when home) took wonderful care of Johnathon and I.  My parents took care of Johnathon when they could so I could rest.  

Looking back over that pregnancy, I wouldn't ask to do that again.  Ever.  We also can't imagine our life without Gabriel.  His birth healed me so much emotionally while changing me physically.  His birth led me to become a Doula and Childbirth Educator.  On that path I met some of my closest friends.  

Gabriel is this amazing little mini Michael who loves us very much and brings tons of joy to our lives.  We would have missed out on him had we had our way.

Bella was planned.  After months of trying with no luck and then months of trying hard not to have another baby, we decided to try again and we got her.  

Right after she was born I wasn't sure I wanted anymore.  Michael and I talked a lot about timing and when we would start trying again if we wanted to.  

Then, after talking with a great friend of mine and reading a lot, I asked Michael "Why do we try to plan babies?  We are trying to leave everything up to God.  Why not this?"

He agreed.  He brought up Gabriel and how we could have missed out on him.  From that point on we haven't used any form of birth control.  Except Michael going to Basic and deploying.  Those are *excellent* forms of birth control.  ;)

I know it isn't for everyone.  I am not trying to say that it is.  This is just easiest for us.  We believe that this is what we are supposed to do.  

It saddens me the way most of our culture looks at children as a burden and not a blessing.  Yes they are hard.  Yes they cost money.  Yes pregnancy can be difficult.  Yes I stress like crazy while I am pregnant.  No I wouldn't change a thing.  

So there you have it.  This is how we got pregnant in the first few days Michael was home and why we welcome this addition with open arms.  

Oh...and want to know what I said to the brave or stupid comment?   "Neither.  We just love our kids." 

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