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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Power Of Words

I am in my 5th pregnancy.  I have had 3 live births.  I have had one miscarriage.  These are my stats at the OB's office.

On occasion something during a pregnancy will throw me for a loop.  Generally I know how this works for me.  Doesn't mean I don't panic when something that has happened before happens.  Like when I bled this time.  That is unsettling no matter what pregnancy I am in or how many times I have gone through it.

We hired a midwife at the beginning of Bella's pregnancy.  My choices of who would come out to our house at the time were very limited.  I was ok with our decision until she started, very early on, explaining to me all the reasons that she had to transfer people out of her care.  Then she would tell me how I had those same issues.

One thing specifically still stays with me now.  
The midwife speaking to a midwife in training about me while I was lying on the table "Wow!!  Look at her diastasis recti!!! I have only seen one that bad before!  I had to transfer her care out because there was no way that baby would be positioned to come out ever!!"

Diastasis Recti is also known as abdominal separation.  It happens a lot to women when pregnant.  Mine is probably because I have never had strong stomach muscles and I have been overweight a long, long time.

Now I probably had it with Johnathon and Gabriel, but no one pointed it out to me like she did.  After she said that I became so fearful about it.  I looked up everything I could on it and found that it can cause a baby to not be in the right position and can make pushing the baby out harder.

The way she had said it, the way she had made me feel, added fear to an already fearful pregnancy.  Just a few weeks later, after I tried to talk to her about what she was saying to me and how she was making me feel, she ended our professional relationship when I was half was through my pregnancy.

At the time I was distraught.  It all worked out for the very best in the end.  :)  Michael was everything I needed.

So a few days ago I sat up a little in bed and saw my stomach muscles separate.  The fear washed over me again.  I could hear her words and how she made me feel.  I have spent long hours since then trying to calm the panic in my head and researching, again, how to make it less of an issue.  

Michael keeps telling me everything will be ok and my favorite midwife (in Texas, God bless her soul) tells me all will be fine.  Even so, that midwife's words keep playing in my head.

Think before you speak.  Try not to plant a seed in someone that will haunt them right away or later.  Choose your words carefully.  Everything you say has the opportunity to build someone up or break someone down.  Especially when they are in an emotional place.


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